So I had a run in with Mr Italy the other day.
Oh yes, everyone's favourite cringe-inducing "romantic" is back, and boy did he bring some funny tales with him! I swear I haven't blocked his number yet because I know he'll inspire more content for me to write about.
It's not the first time he's tried to get back in contact.
Over the last several months he would pop up out of nowhere, messaging me to say hello and see how I was. Honestly, 99.9% of the time I would leave him on read and get on with my day, until another similar message popped up a couple of weeks later which I would also leave opened and un-replied, and a continuous cycle was built.
For whatever reason, this time was the 0.1%, and I decided to reply.
It was the same old with him;
"Hey Cleopatra (BARF!), how are you?" Fine.
"What's the most beautiful thing you did today?" Stuff.
"What are you doing to keep cool in this heat?" Air conditioning.
"Be more imaginative!" Rolling around on my bed in a pool of ice cubes, is that better?
"What would turn you on right now?" Conversations about literally anything other than what turns me on!
I know, I was incredibly blunt in my responses, but for whatever reason this guy has this completely romanticised picture of me built up in his head, and for my own sanity I needed to dispel it.
He said, "You're so impossible right now, I'm needing all of my patience with you tonight."
I didn't want him to use all of his patience with me, I just wanted him to stop.
My curiosity got the better of me and I couldn't help but ask him, "Why do you keep popping back up trying to make something happen between us?"
His response? "Because I am a romantic, and I won't give up..."
For fucksake.
In recounting these conversations with Mr Italy to a friend she said to me "I'll give him this, he's bloody persistent"; that was enough to set my mind racing on the notion of persistence.
They tell you persistence is key in everything.
Everything.
Finding and fighting for the right job, the right friendships, the right relationships, making your dreams come true; all of that cannot be achieved without complete and total persistence, right?
In a lot of instances, yes.
But what happens when you get to a point where no matter how persistent you are, things still don't seem to be shifting your way?
Is it because you're not trying hard enough, or is it simply just not meant to be?
I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and "what's meant to be, will be"; but fuck me, sometimes it's just so hard. Too hard.
My own persistence, or willing to be persistent, is being tested and is playing up on my mind a lot lately, in several different aspects of my life; in work, relationships, writing, life.
In my experience of working in retail sales, sometimes your best sales and customers come out of persistence. The perseverance to make your customer feel heard and looked after. Sometimes I can be working with someone for two hours trying to style them up perfectly whilst maintaining their comfort. Persistence can make or break a sales relationship; you can't be too much or too little in helping; you need to find the balance and be just right, a strength which I have picked up over time.
But behind the scenes, my own persistence was tested quite a lot in recent months.
For a good while at work I struggled a bit, and for whatever reason I was finding it more and more difficult to get back to my normal self. I didn't know what was wrong, I was full of anxiety and stress and it was really showing. But in time I took a step back, assessed the situation, made a plan of action and persisted forward, knowing that in this situation I needed to push through my issues, in order for them to resolve. It was not a matter of giving up because it was too difficult; I knew what I had to do, so I stuck in for months and I achieved what I set out to do.
I can continually persist and persevere to better myself as a worker and in the end the results are there to prove that in this instance, yes, persistence was key.
If only things were always that easy when it comes to persisting.
Moving on to more pressing matters; matters of the heart and soul.
Sometimes you find yourself in relationships where you know there's something special there, something too special to give up on, so you persist through all of the tumultuous times, hoping that someday you'll get out on the other side. Maybe not completely unscathed, but you'll be happy and settled.
I don't have any specific points or anecdotes to supply with this one, maybe I will soon, who knows; but all I will say is the struggle is real.
My writing is another major point in the everlasting debate in my head surrounding matters of the heart.
I love writing - I am a writer. It's part of my identity and is one of the most important things in the world to me. It's what I want to be able to focus on full time and make a career out of. But when you hear thousands upon thousands of people wanting the same thing and see their struggles over decades, and that despite their persistence to make it happen it never does, it really leaves you questioning: is this right for me, or do I re-evaluate and choose something different?
If it didn't work for them, why would it be any different for me? Do I just give up while I'm still young and have the time to do so?
It's a debate I'm probably going to have with myself for a while to come, because in life things change all the time.
Life's a funny one. It's a constant cycle of joy, happiness, love and hope; while at the same time being full of challenges, trials, tribulations, anxieties and fears.
But do we let life and rationality take over, or do we force ourselves to grow a pair and push through the sometimes unbearable pain that comes along with persistence?
Should you fight till your face turns blue and your soul is barely even there anymore. Or, do you let go. Do you give in and give up because...you're just so tired.
Do we all take a leaf out of Mr Italy's books and persist, or do you realise that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, not even persistence works in every situation.
It's a tricky one.
The practical side of me says realise when things aren't going your way, but the dreamer in me, who is usually a hell of a lot louder than the practical, screams don't let go; fight!
Maybe instead of it coming down to persistence, it comes down to hope. Don't let go of what you really desire, but don't hold onto it long enough to see it destroy you either.
Hope and work for everything you want, for as long as you can, and as long as you feel your soul is still in it, keep on keeping on.
Except if you're Mr Italy - there's no hope pal.
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